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OK, so it's from The Onion. Still, it's Yankee news, isn't it? 
Steinbrenner Names Johnny Damon As New Yankee Scapegoat
Steinbrenner Names Johnny Damon As New Yankee Scapegoat
NEW YORK—Continuing a Yankee tradition that dates back to the teams of the early '80s, owner George Steinbrenner formally appointed recently signed centerfielder Johnny Damon as the team's new scapegoat.
"This position comes with a lot of responsibility, as the scapegoat will be held personally accountable for every loss this season," Steinbrenner said in a statement Tuesday. "Even though he is new to the city and organization, and he is coming over from our division rival Boston Red Sox, and he has yet to play a single game in a Yankee uniform, I am confident that these factors will only facilitate Johnny Damon's transition into this role."
"If the Yankees start losing—God forbid—then at the very least, the players, the fans, the New York media, and myself can take comfort in knowing the exact reason why," Steinbrenner added.
According to Steinbrenner's statement, Damon exhibits all the qualities he looks for in a Yankee scapegoat, including lofty expectations, high salary, and a controversial personality that can be construed as being bad for the team's dynamics should the Yankees fall into second place.
Damon, whose jersey will be adorned with a small bulls-eye stitched below the left shoulder, said he welcomed the opportunity to be the most important fall guy on the Yankee ballclub.
"This position comes with a lot of responsibility, as the scapegoat will be held personally accountable for every loss this season," Steinbrenner said in a statement Tuesday. "Even though he is new to the city and organization, and he is coming over from our division rival Boston Red Sox, and he has yet to play a single game in a Yankee uniform, I am confident that these factors will only facilitate Johnny Damon's transition into this role."
"If the Yankees start losing—God forbid—then at the very least, the players, the fans, the New York media, and myself can take comfort in knowing the exact reason why," Steinbrenner added.
According to Steinbrenner's statement, Damon exhibits all the qualities he looks for in a Yankee scapegoat, including lofty expectations, high salary, and a controversial personality that can be construed as being bad for the team's dynamics should the Yankees fall into second place.
Damon, whose jersey will be adorned with a small bulls-eye stitched below the left shoulder, said he welcomed the opportunity to be the most important fall guy on the Yankee ballclub.
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