Parents And Sports Thread

[Jake Patterson]

We have all heard our share of stories about overbearing parents in youth sports. I have had to deal with problem parents from tee ball to high school ball.

During our upcoming Little League Coaches' Clinic we are trying to pull together a "Do No Harm" theme (training) in addition to our normal basic baseball training. Instruction so far includes sessions on Little League Elbow and Shoulder - cause and prevention presented by a physical therapist. Appropriate athletic pressure presented by a child psychologist (The win versus teaching subject) and age appropriate training.

I have been wrestling with developing training on how to deal with overbearing (difficult) parents. Specifically what can coaches do to make their lives and the athletes lives easier. The number of kids dropping out of baseball at before the age of twelve is astronomical. One of the top causes - overbearing parents.

ANY STORIES - or recommendations you can share? More specifically - How can we as coaches better deal with overbearing parents? Would be helpful.

[hiddengem]

We have all heard our share of stories about overbearing parents in youth sports. I have had to deal with problem parents from tee ball to high school ball.

During our upcoming Little League Coaches' Clinic we are trying to pull together a "Do No Harm" theme (training) in addition to our normal basic baseball training. Instruction so far includes sessions on Little League Elbow and Shoulder - cause and prevention presented by a physical therapist. Appropriate athletic pressure presented by a child psychologist (The win versus teaching subject) and age appropriate training.

I have been wrestling with developing training on how to deal with overbearing (difficult) parents. Specifically what can coaches do to make their lives and the athletes lives easier. The number of kids dropping out of baseball at before the age of twelve is astronomical. One of the top causes - overbearing parents.

ANY STORIES - or recommendations you can share? More specifically - How can we as coaches better deal with overbearing parents?

Be very specific as to how "your" team is going to be run. The parents are going to get one chance at being overbearing with their kid while he is playing and then you will need to either A) sit 25 ft from the fence while watching the game. B)Just don't come to the games at all or C) Take you kid and play somewhere else.
These rules were put into place with a specific team that comes into my facility and it worked wonders for the kids. I wonder why they started playing better?h

Jake, I'm seeing the exact same problem that you are seeing. I have some kids that I've been working with since they were about 7 or 8 and now they are 11-12 and quiting. Why? Because it feels more like a job than a game because their parent is so hard on them and won't let them make a move without jumping down their throat.

Parents need to be given the facts about this game. And that is that less than .2% of the players in this country will play past college and not much more will play in college. These kids need to have fun playing this game because it could end for them tomorrow. And when it does the only memory they will have of their little league experience is how their parent was so hard on them and always had them playing "Afraid to fail" because they might dissapoint them.

Its sad but true, that the only reason we don't run select teams out of my facility is so that we don't have to deal with parents.h

[Ursa Major]

Jake, not to blow more smoke up your keester, but your book's coverage of that issue goes so far beyond anything else I've seen, that it would difficult to think up good solutions that go too far beyond that.

I was thinking that you could have the parents sign a "contract" (we just saw "Coach Carter"), then I vaguely recall you had just such a contract/code of ethics in your book, and there it was at page 45. Perhaps a coach could embellish on the contract by saying something at the pre-season parents-only meeting like this (and here I'm just shooting from the hip):

"I and the other coaches here -- along with the league that appointed us based on our experience and values -- view our responsibility to be to give each and every kid on the squad the best experience possible, which means that our goals are to have fun, to teach, and to try to win, in that order. We can't control what you do or say to your kids when they're in your home, but when they're at practices or games we have a responsibility to control the environment for all the kids. If you are too critical of or abusive toward any kid or official, we have a responsibility to ask you to desist. Your behavior could result in a forfeit; at the least there's a risk that you will embarass your child and undermine team chemistry. We will warn you if we feel this is happening, and if it recurs, we will ask you not to come to games or practices and the league will back us up on it.

As for how you treat your child privately, we know that you want your son/daughter to do his/her very best. And no parent wants to chase his child away from this wonderful sport. But, between us, we coaches have a collective __ years of coaching experience and have seen hundreds of kids drop the sport at least in part because parents expect too much from them and the joy is sucked out of the sport. And we think we're pretty good at seeing the symptoms of it. So, in return for watching after your child for __ hours per week and teaching him/her baseball at a pretty high level, we reserve the right to let you know privately and with respect when we think it's necessary for you to ease up, and we hope you will respect and appreciate our opinions, even if it's hard to see yourself being that kind of parent."

There's an interesting thread on Eteamz from a coach who heard of a mother after a softball game repeatedly slapping her daughter about the head for playing poorly in the game, and the participants in the thread have been sharing their thoughts about what the observers should have done. One coach said he'd never intervene in that kind of situation, as he did so once and ended up getting arrested after intervening, as the slapper, her husband, and the victimized daughter all testified that he'd attacked the woman without provocation!

[Jake Patterson]

"I and the other coaches here -- along with the league that appointed us based on our experience and values -- view our responsibility to be to give each and every kid on the squad the best experience possible, which means that our goals are to have fun, to teach, and to try to win, in that order. We can't control what you do or say to your kids when they're in your home, but when they're at practices or games we have a responsibility to control the environment for all the kids. If you are too critical of or abusive toward any kid or official, we have a responsibility to ask you to desist. Your behavior could result in a forfeit; at the least there's a risk that you will embarass your child and undermine team chemistry. We will warn you if we feel this is happening, and if it recurs, we will ask you not to come to games or practices and the league will back us up on it.

As for how you treat your child privately, we know that you want your son/daughter to do his/her very best. And no parent wants to chase his child away from this wonderful sport. But, between us, we coaches have a collective __ years of coaching experience and have seen hundreds of kids drop the sport at least in part because parents expect too much from them and the joy is sucked out of the sport. And we think we're pretty good at seeing the symptoms of it. So, in return for watching after your child for __ hours per week and teaching him/her baseball at a pretty high level, we reserve the right to let you know privately and with respect when we think it's necessary for you to ease up, and we hope you will respect and appreciate our opinions, even if it's hard to see yourself being that kind of parent."

The above makes sense....

I'll check the Eteamz site.

I like the idea of giving the parents some facts at the start of the season.
1. Coaches experience
2. Number of children dropping out of baseball and for what reasons.
3. Etc...

This remains a huge issue and I am trying to make the training aspect of it easier. Most clinics avoid this topic.

[Jake Patterson]

Be very specific as to how "your" team is going to be run.... A) sit 25 ft from the fence while watching the game.

I like the idea about where to sit. There are always parents that hang by the dug out, park their lawn chairs behind the back stop or call their child over in between innings. Their only purpose for sitting/ standing where they do is not to watch the game, because that would be better from the stands, it's to either give the umpire a bunch of crap or to coach their kid from the sidelines. Good point.

[Jake Patterson]

There's an interesting thread on Eteamz from a coach who heard of a mother after a softball game repeatedly slapping her daughter about the head for playing poorly in the game, and the participants in the thread have been sharing their thoughts about what the observers should have done.

Can you give me the site address. I looked but I could not find the above.

[Ursa Major]

Jake, it's here:

http://eteamz.active.com/fastpitch/b...cfm?id=1484154

It's in the Fastpitch Softball forum.

[Jake Patterson]

Jake, it's here:

http://eteamz.active.com/fastpitch/b...cfm?id=1484154

It's in the Fastpitch Softball forum.

Wow! Wouldn't know where to begin. There are so many thread participants that are so far off.