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  • sparks,

    I have a little bit of a different take here. Part of growing up is putting up with what we think are unreasonable demands. When you go to work, is your boss always reasonable? At least at my work, I get work thrown at me at the last minute that must be done immediately and they're not exactly asking me if it's OK. If I turn down these "unreasonable" last minute requests, when layoffs come they'll be looking at me. Life isn't always fair, but it's most definitely part of life, something your boy is going to have to get used to, for better or worse. And don't forget, he's not going to be a boy very much longer.

    I obviously do not know the details so my opinion is probably incorrect here. What I taught my kids is in such a case is to say "I'll be there coach." I don't care it is 15 minutes before the game, the night before, a week before. I'm teaching them this as life lessons, so when the boss asks them to do something, they say "I'll do it". No questions asked, no whining or complaining, I want them to get the reputation as can-do folks, someone the boss knows can always get the job done even in non-optimal conditions. Heck, everyone can presumably do it when timing is perfect. I want my kids to be able to do it under adverse conditions, i.e., real life conditions.

    Good luck Sparks. I really hope you'll be posting more highlights from his season soon. I suspect it is going to go better than you are fearing right now. He's a good kid and will figure this stuff out.

    -JJA
    The outcome of our children is infinitely more important than the outcome of any game they will ever play

    Comment


    • songtitle,

      I agree with you about it not being punishment but the thing is do you tell a kid at 11 pm the night before an 11 am game? Keep in mind that my boy never got the message anyway.

      As far as talking to the coach...... no. I'm not going to talk to him..... I'm not going to be one of these parents who run to the coach and ask why his kid isn't playing. I'm just not going to do that. Besides, my wife won't let me.

      Sparks

      Comment


      • Originally posted by Sparksdale View Post
        songtitle,

        I agree with you about it not being punishment but the thing is do you tell a kid at 11 pm the night before an 11 am game? Keep in mind that my boy never got the message anyway.

        As far as talking to the coach...... no. I'm not going to talk to him..... I'm not going to be one of these parents who run to the coach and ask why his kid isn't playing. I'm just not going to do that. Besides, my wife won't let me.

        Sparks
        How much time does your son need to be told he will start? I'm not getting this. He needs to be ready whenever his number is called! Coaches like players that they can depend on when called. Your son needs to go out there and just take care of business.

        Comment


        • It's time to give your grandson the "Life isn't always fair." and "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger" talks. I don't believe the coach handled the situation properly. I understand the psychology of what you're saying. But a lot of other kids would love to be in your son's "tough" situation. The situation is he's ahead of everyone else on JV to being a full time varsity player. Your son is in high school now. It's time for him to stop leaning on the crutch of what used to be. And you have to stop handing him the crutch.

          From me it's coming from someone who grew up with legal guardians rather than parents. My mother gave up at age nine. My father gave up at age twelve. This is more than I've ever revealed on a board. But I believe it has value in this situation. Your son can take advantage of his situation with his parents to resent those who don't treat him as he believes they should. It's a convenient excuse whenever something doesn't go his way. Or he can do what I did. He can use the people who treat him well as positive influences on his life. He can grow up to be the parent he believes his father should have been.
          Last edited by tg643; 02-27-2012, 09:17 AM.

          Comment


          • Sparks,
            Having been a varsity coach... I would offer there is sometimes so much on your plate that it isn't until the last minute of the night before that you remember items for the next day's game. It sounds like an oversight... as far as not pitching JV games.... He needs to speak with the coach. I am certain the VC i keeping him as a reserve. This is - in and of itself - a good thing.... This means the VC thinks highly of his abilities....
            Jake
            Last edited by Jake Patterson; 02-27-2012, 10:57 AM.
            "He who dares to teach, must never cease to learn."
            - John Cotton Dana (1856–1929) - Offered to many by L. Olson - Iowa (Teacher)
            Please read Baseball Fever Policy and Forum FAQ before posting.

            Comment


            • Tg643,

              Thanks for your post.

              I have to say I started not to post about the events of this weekend partly because I know I'm wrong. I did have the talk with my boy about this was about the best chance he could hope for. I explained it to him this way.... "the varsity has lost every game and you have the chance to be the starting pitcher against one of the top 6A schools in our state". I told him that he couldn't dream of a better chance in life. Imagine if he has a good game and helps his team win their first game against a top school? It's what they make movies about.

              In his mind he thinks it wasn't fair that they wanted him to pitch against one of the powerhouse schools. His exact words were "they will kill me". I told him so what? The Varsity is losing every game you have NOTHING to lose. He doesn't see it that way.......he thinks they are using him as a "patsy" to make him look bad. I also told him that his stuff is as good as most other pitchers anywhere and although they probably will score runs on you "YOU STILL HAVE GREAT STUFF".

              The bottom line is he's lost his confidence and it doesn't help that he has stitches under his right eye either.....I think he was scared because of that too.

              Bottom line is I've been too soft on him and I know it. I think he should just suck it up.

              I'm just afraid that he's losing his love for the game and that breaks my heart...... at this point that's all I care about.

              Things can change on a dime..... we play a double header tonight with the JV squad. Maybe he can go out there and have some fun and continue to do well.....

              I want to thank all of you for everything. This board is a "sounding board" for me and believe it or not it helps to just talk to others about it. Maybe just maybe things aren't as bad as I think they are........

              Sparks

              Comment


              • Originally posted by Sparksdale View Post
                Tg643,

                Thanks for your post.

                I have to say I started not to post about the events of this weekend partly because I know I'm wrong. I did have the talk with my boy about this was about the best chance he could hope for. I explained it to him this way.... "the varsity has lost every game and you have the chance to be the starting pitcher against one of the top 6A schools in our state". I told him that he couldn't dream of a better chance in life. Imagine if he has a good game and helps his team win their first game against a top school? It's what they make movies about.

                In his mind he thinks it wasn't fair that they wanted him to pitch against one of the powerhouse schools. His exact words were "they will kill me". I told him so what? The Varsity is losing every game you have NOTHING to lose. He doesn't see it that way.......he thinks they are using him as a "patsy" to make him look bad. I also told him that his stuff is as good as most other pitchers anywhere and although they probably will score runs on you "YOU STILL HAVE GREAT STUFF".

                The bottom line is he's lost his confidence and it doesn't help that he has stitches under his right eye either.....I think he was scared because of that too.

                Bottom line is I've been too soft on him and I know it. I think he should just suck it up.

                I'm just afraid that he's losing his love for the game and that breaks my heart...... at this point that's all I care about.

                Things can change on a dime..... we play a double header tonight with the JV squad. Maybe he can go out there and have some fun and continue to do well.....

                I want to thank all of you for everything. This board is a "sounding board" for me and believe it or not it helps to just talk to others about it. Maybe just maybe things aren't as bad as I think they are........

                Sparks
                Hope it all works out well for you and your son. If he truly has a passion for the game I think he will figure it out. You can only do so much, good luck.

                Comment


                • Being new to this thread I skimmed through most of the 36 pages.
                  I think your kid needs to suck it up. If he turns down the pitching role on varsity then he might well be ostracized from the program by the coaches and I think rightfully so.
                  From following your posts since he was 10 it appears he's been on the better baseball players of his group and he knows it. Maybe he believes he deserves to be treated differently?
                  Since this is your grandkid you are raising he will have to grow up sooner than most.
                  If he can handle the problems he is facing now then it will definitely mold him into the man he will be later on in life.
                  Personally it appears from 36 pages of post that you have built a shrine around your grandson because of his abilities in baseball and football. How will you treat him if he decides to quit sports all together?
                  My 13 yr old son has shown extreme talent for playing baseball and is on the best travel ball team for his age group in the area. I am doing everything I can to tone down the praise he receives
                  and I make sure he understands he will be expected to receive an academic scholarship like his two brothers before him.
                  Last edited by Jake Patterson; 02-27-2012, 09:43 PM.

                  Comment


                  • Just a quick post:

                    Just got back from playing our double header with the JV.

                    We were playing on a college field, it was 390 to dead center and 370 to the gaps.
                    My boys last at bat he hit a ball like he's never hit..... when it leaves the bat I would have bet a million dollars it was going over. It hit right at the base of the fence under the 370 sign.
                    Holy cow what a freaking hit he hit...... amazing.....simply amazing. I can't believe it didn't go over.

                    Tonight was fun.....

                    Sparks

                    Comment


                    • And there ya go!
                      "He who dares to teach, must never cease to learn."
                      - John Cotton Dana (1856–1929) - Offered to many by L. Olson - Iowa (Teacher)
                      Please read Baseball Fever Policy and Forum FAQ before posting.

                      Comment


                      • Tonight we played our cross town rivals in a double header. Since my boy was in the 7th grade we've never beat these guys.....they are a top 5A school and have always been a good team.

                        My boy pitched the first game. He was on a pitch count because he pitched 3 innings two days ago. He pitched a quality 4 innings and gave up 4 runs (1 earned).

                        His hitting has come around..... I'm not sure how many hits he got tonight or exactly how many at bats but I do know he had 4 doubles and somewhere around 5 RBI (in two games).

                        The main thing is he had a ball tonight....you could tell he was having a blast. Man that was fun to see.

                        My oh my did he hit that one ball......holy freaking cow.... what a hit.

                        Sparks

                        Comment


                        • Been doing a lot of thinking today and I've figured something out.

                          I've been wrong.

                          The one pushing my boy to be on Varsity is me and when I stop to think about it no one else is but me.

                          Last night he had the time of his life playing with the JV. It was like the old days when he was 10 and 11 years old where he was having fun playing.

                          So if he doesn't want to play Varsity that is just fine by me. It was a complete joy to watch him have fun last night. I think along the way I was guilty of doing what many of us do....I forgot that this game is about fun.

                          I've said it before on this thread that I've made just about every mistake there is to make and this was a big mistake.

                          I'm going to enjoy this year and help him have fun and if the phone rings and the Varsity wants him I'll ask my boy if he wants to play up or not. It's up to him. I just want to see him have fun and enjoy the greatest game in the world.

                          Sparks

                          Comment


                          • Originally posted by Sparksdale View Post
                            Been doing a lot of thinking today and I've figured something out.

                            I've been wrong.

                            The one pushing my boy to be on Varsity is me and when I stop to think about it no one else is but me.

                            Last night he had the time of his life playing with the JV. It was like the old days when he was 10 and 11 years old where he was having fun playing.

                            So if he doesn't want to play Varsity that is just fine by me. It was a complete joy to watch him have fun last night. I think along the way I was guilty of doing what many of us do....I forgot that this game is about fun.

                            I've said it before on this thread that I've made just about every mistake there is to make and this was a big mistake.

                            I'm going to enjoy this year and help him have fun and if the phone rings and the Varsity wants him I'll ask my boy if he wants to play up or not. It's up to him. I just want to see him have fun and enjoy the greatest game in the world.

                            Sparks
                            Great answer Sparks, though I don't think it is a "big mistake" personally. Also, don't forget that great thread Jake had up recently:

                            http://www.baseball-fever.com/showth...ts-and-Parents

                            Tell him how much you enjoy watching him play! I must say that it has been one of the joys of my life, watching both my kids, and that article really puts it in perspective. Enjoy it while you can because it doesn't last very long.

                            -JJA
                            The outcome of our children is infinitely more important than the outcome of any game they will ever play

                            Comment


                            • Originally posted by Sparksdale View Post
                              Been doing a lot of thinking today and I've figured something out.

                              I've been wrong.

                              The one pushing my boy to be on Varsity is me and when I stop to think about it no one else is but me.

                              Last night he had the time of his life playing with the JV. It was like the old days when he was 10 and 11 years old where he was having fun playing.

                              So if he doesn't want to play Varsity that is just fine by me. It was a complete joy to watch him have fun last night. I think along the way I was guilty of doing what many of us do....I forgot that this game is about fun.

                              I've said it before on this thread that I've made just about every mistake there is to make and this was a big mistake.

                              I'm going to enjoy this year and help him have fun and if the phone rings and the Varsity wants him I'll ask my boy if he wants to play up or not. It's up to him. I just want to see him have fun and enjoy the greatest game in the world.

                              Sparks
                              Yes Sparks, this "parenting" thing sure don't come with any instruction manual, and we've all made plenty of mistakes along the way, so don't feel too bad....cuz as they say, "been there, done that" myself.

                              Funny thing though.....this year, I was just the opposite of what you did. I did everything I could to convince my youngest to just stay down and play JV for one more season, as I didn't/don't see him getting much playing time on the varsity level, given the "senior" roster they have this season, and he would've been one of the "top kids" on the JV squad, with pretty much unlimited playing time.

                              He on the other hand, wanted to play on the varsity team, because most of the kids he played with when they were all 10 through 14 are seniors this season (he has one of those weird baseball vs. school birth dates), and he wanted to be there for them as their "last season together".

                              Well, needless to say, he is on the varsity team (and doing well I'm happy to report).....and having a great time with "all of the guys". Still not sure how much actual playing time he'll get once the regular season rolls around, but if there's not that many innings for him.....I think it will be a great learning experience for him, as he learns the value of being a good teammate from the bench.

                              This will be the first time that he'll really have had to "sit" in his short career, but there are lessons to be learned in baseball, whether you're in the starting lineup or not....

                              And as you're finding out, as long as they're having fun, who are we to get in their way? Sit back, enjoy, and let your "son" find his own path.....I'm continually surprised how given just some guidance, yet the freedom to choose, that they make the correct choices that are best for them (and all concerned for that matter), more times than not.


                              Best of luck in this, and the seasons to come,
                              mud -
                              In memory of "Catchingcoach" - Dave Weaver: February 28, 1955 - June 17, 2011

                              Comment


                              • Sparks, glad to hear he's having 'fun', as compared to your reading of his attitude the prior week. We've had the talk before about not reading too much into one game or series of games, and how you've got to be the stable foundation that keeps the highs and lows balanced.

                                Sophomore year is tough for talented kids, because you have the "Var vs. JV" issues. Many times kids or their Dads beg to come up, and they discover either that the sit or they get humbled. Nothing wrong with just staying with the younger guys and having fun and learning. It's the junior year when they need to shine in order to get some attention from the college coaches. Also, your failings kinda disappear.

                                By contrast, our HS varsity has played two games and juniors with college aspirations (and talent) have started each game. Both started out well but stumbled - a hit and an walk or HBP or two then a seeing-eye grounder, and all of a sudden they've been yanked and the reliever couldn't stem the bleeding and ... BOOM, they're both looking at ERA's over 20.00 available for all to see on MaxPreps. Even worse, the coach has lost confidence and they won't have too many opportunities to lower those ERA's.

                                I agree with the others that notwithstanding the lack of advance notice your boy should look at the sudden chance to pitch as an opportunity, not as a conspiracy. It happens all the time when a pitcher gets hurt... or the star of a Broadway show twists an ankle and the understudy becomes a star. As far as the suggestions by others that your boy 'suck it up' and put his past troubles behind him, well, I've been blessed with a solid family and enough talent to get along, so I can't say I've walked in his shoes or yours. But I hope you freakin' appreciate - maybe via a PM - that TG643 has apparently lived that kinda life and moved on and is willing to open up to help give you some important guidance. Listen to him.

                                Your boy has had six years of a relatively stable situation -- I hope you've been able to shield him from much of the legal drama surrounding his unstable mother. Six years is a pretty good run and it hopefully has eradicated most of what may have haunted him. He's got to choose what goals he wants to shoot for and not accept excuses for getting significantly sidetracked. (Minor derailments are to be expected with teenagers.) So, when coaches do jerky things - and it's a given that they either will do so or will seem to do so (which is the same thing from your point of view), the important thing is to decide that you are not going to give a jerk the satisfaction of getting under your skin and throwing you off your game.

                                I've been subject to criticism in my life (even here!) and will internalize it to a greater or lesser degree depending upon my respect for the criticizer. But there are about a half-dozen people in my life who - if they tell me I'm screwing up - will get my immediate attention because I trust their judgment and know they have no agenda other than my welfare. And there are a great many more folks whose opinions mean little to me and I don't try to disabuse them of critical opinions of me, but rather just shrug and smile wanly and go about my business. Sometimes the best response is, "Whatever, dude"... and then walk away.

                                Your boy needs to do the same thing - decide those whom he's going to let get him upset. If the coaches whipsaw him back and forth as to his role on the two teams, the best 'revenge' is not to get upset but to go out and do the best he can and come back into the dugout with a look that says, "Okay, that was a fun challenge; what do you have next for me?" And the best 'revenge' for a bad early life situation is to do what TG and countless others have done - move on and not let those circumstances either pull you down or make you so bitter that your future relationships become impaired.
                                sigpicIt's not whether you fall -- everyone does -- but how you come out of the fall that counts.

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