Seeking Advice

[Kan-Man]

Based on what I've read in other threads, I have a feeling this might elicit a wide range of reactions but I'm curious to see if there's a consensus opinion.

Here goes...

The basic question: if my 8-year old son decides to stop playing rec ball now only to pick it up again in middle school, will he be too far behind others his age or won't it make it a difference?

The background: My son has been playing Spring and Fall baseball since he was 5. He's finishing up his second season of kid pitch and this is the first time his enthusiasm for the game has waned. I've talked to him about it and there are several factors at play here. Performance - the transition to kid pitch has been a struggle for him. He's been hit quite a bit so his confidence level is pretty low, plus he's having trouble adjusting to the wide range of speed and location of each pitcher. His fielding is still okay but more on that in a bit. His Team - he's been on the same team since he was 6. 90% of the team are classmates in a local school and play other sports together as well. My son and one or two others attend a different school and are not a part of those other teams. Year in and year out, the team is the worst behaved in the league by far. My son is friendly with most of the boys but primarily sits quietly on the bench while surrounded by the chaos of others. He attends every game and practice, never complains and always thanks each coach at the end of the games (I know he's the only one who does this because I'm one of the assistant coaches and no one thanks me). His Coach - long story, but some of the other parents put the notion in our manager's head that my wife and I have been talking crap about him. We never have but I'm not sure the manager believes us. And now I think my son isn't being treated the same way as the other players. He's always put at the same two positions - second or outfield - and usually bats at the bottom of the order. The coach has a rule about never asking to play a position (my son is the only one to follow this rule) so nothing has changed and I think he's starting to view this as a punishment.

I should also add my son has had developmental delays since he was an infant. He was diagnosed with low muscle tone and has received occupational and physical therapy for years. He's also quite small for his age. But he has persevered and in some instances he's thrived while in others he's lagged behind.

In the fall, he'd be moving to hardball. If he stays in the league, we'd certainly get him on a different team since the situation with the manager has become pretty toxic and I think he needs a fresh start with someone else. If he wants to stop, he can still receive some instruction at a local facility that knows him well (he's been taking classes and camps there since he was a toddler). And by the time he gets to middle school he may develop enough physically where he can compete on the school team. Or he may lose interest altogether by then.

I realize this is a lot of information to process but there's no quick way to explain all this (believe me, I could have gone on much longer).

He's our oldest, so this is the first time my wife and I have been through this and I'd really like to hear your opinions.

Thanks for your time.

[Jake Patterson]

Based on what I've read in other threads, I have a feeling this might elicit a wide range of reactions but I'm curious to see if there's a consensus opinion.

Here goes...

The basic question: if my 8-year old son decides to stop playing rec ball now only to pick it up again in middle school, will he be too far behind others his age or won't it make it a difference?

The background: My son has been playing Spring and Fall baseball since he was 5. He's finishing up his second season of kid pitch and this is the first time his enthusiasm for the game has waned. I've talked to him about it and there are several factors at play here. Performance - the transition to kid pitch has been a struggle for him. He's been hit quite a bit so his confidence level is pretty low, plus he's having trouble adjusting to the wide range of speed and location of each pitcher. His fielding is still okay but more on that in a bit. His Team - he's been on the same team since he was 6. 90% of the team are classmates in a local school and play other sports together as well. My son and one or two others attend a different school and are not a part of those other teams. Year in and year out, the team is the worst behaved in the league by far. My son is friendly with most of the boys but primarily sits quietly on the bench while surrounded by the chaos of others. He attends every game and practice, never complains and always thanks each coach at the end of the games (I know he's the only one who does this because I'm one of the assistant coaches and no one thanks me). His Coach - long story, but some of the other parents put the notion in our manager's head that my wife and I have been talking crap about him. We never have but I'm not sure the manager believes us. And now I think my son isn't being treated the same way as the other players. He's always put at the same two positions - second or outfield - and usually bats at the bottom of the order. The coach has a rule about never asking to play a position (my son is the only one to follow this rule) so nothing has changed and I think he's starting to view this as a punishment.

I should also add my son has had developmental delays since he was an infant. He was diagnosed with low muscle tone and has received occupational and physical therapy for years. He's also quite small for his age. But he has persevered and in some instances he's thrived while in others he's lagged behind.

In the fall, he'd be moving to hardball. If he stays in the league, we'd certainly get him on a different team since the situation with the manager has become pretty toxic and I think he needs a fresh start with someone else. If he wants to stop, he can still receive some instruction at a local facility that knows him well (he's been taking classes and camps there since he was a toddler). And by the time he gets to middle school he may develop enough physically where he can compete on the school team. Or he may lose interest altogether by then.

I realize this is a lot of information to process but there's no quick way to explain all this (believe me, I could have gone on much longer).

He's our oldest, so this is the first time my wife and I have been through this and I'd really like to hear your opinions.

Thanks for your time.

Kan,
Sometmes the best thing to do is sya thank you for all those that helped and put their time in and then walk away for awhile. Leave on a positive note and is anyone asks, just let them know yur son wants a break.

If he becomes interested again then find a team he might enjoy better.

As to your question... If he's marginal talent, then he may struggle if he takes time off... BUT you never know what a child's future development is going to be like based on what exists now... You might have a small inclination, but I have seen terrible ballplayers, go and play soccer only to return as one of the best... I've also seen the opposite true.

[giantheart]

Baseball is one a game that requires constant repetition...He will be behind... but I guess the question you need to ask yourself is behind for what?

Does he want to play more competatively at higher levels? if not, who cares... if so, then you may want to explain this to him

[Standballdad]

I would definitely ask the league that he no longer play for this individual from here on out. I assume as most leagues there is Fall Ball or winter league which is more clinical than the regular season. I would have him play Fall ball for a different manager and see if he still feels the same way. If he does than I would let it go for now and see if he feels differently come next spring. If he drops it now and trys to pick up it in middle school it will be difficult for him. I have seen young players that are extremely athletic try to pick it up late (12 yr) and struggle.

[johnlanza]

The basic question: if my 8-year old son decides to stop playing rec ball now only to pick it up again in middle school, will he be too far behind others his age or won't it make it a difference?
Thanks for your time.

From the sound of your posts (and previous posts from you), I'd say you are probably a dad who works with your son outside of team practice time. If he stopped playing in the league for now, do you think he would be interested in still practicing with you (and maybe one other kid)? I say this because in our rec league, I've always told the parents that their child is not going to become some great ballplayer just because I'm his coach. He's going to get better by getting a lot of reps (as someone mentioned in this thread).
I think your son won't get as far behind as some folks think - as long as he still has a desire and willingness to work on the things that the two of can practice together. Including a second child in the mix would be beneficial on several levels.
Obviously, it doesn't need to be year-round. And there's usually ways to entice a child to practice, whether it's ice cream when you're finished; or my eight-year old son's favorite: "Hey, dad, can I do diving catches now?"

BTW, as my son gets older, what replaces ice cream after a fun practice??

[tg643]

In no particular order I see three possible issues: 1) the team, 2) playing spring and fall since he was five, and 3) possibly fear of failure. You know your son better than anyone here. Without getting deep into these issues my first suggestion would be finding a new team for just the spring. If your son sits out a year it won't kill his development. Over a year he may find he really misses playing or doesn't miss baseball at all. If he's going to play ball it has to be because he wants it, not you wanting him to play.

As far as kids not playing for a few years until middle school I would suggest a very athletic kid could start playing in middle school and develop into a high school varsity player. I believe it would be very difficult for a less athletic kid. It's less of a an issue for a pitcher with velocity potential.

[tg643]

BTW, as my son gets older, what replaces ice cream after a fun practice??

Girls if you're lucky. Hopefully it won't be negative distractions.

[shake-n-bake]

From the sound of your posts (and previous posts from you), I'd say you are probably a dad who works with your son outside of team practice time. If he stopped playing in the league for now, do you think he would be interested in still practicing with you (and maybe one other kid)? I say this because in our rec league, I've always told the parents that their child is not going to become some great ballplayer just because I'm his coach. He's going to get better by getting a lot of reps (as someone mentioned in this thread).
I think your son won't get as far behind as some folks think - as long as he still has a desire and willingness to work on the things that the two of can practice together. Including a second child in the mix would be beneficial on several levels.
Obviously, it doesn't need to be year-round. And there's usually ways to entice a child to practice, whether it's ice cream when you're finished; or my eight-year old son's favorite: "Hey, dad, can I do diving catches now?"

BTW, as my son gets older, what replaces ice cream after a fun practice??

This is a really good response. If you can work with your son, it is more than possible that he can maintain or be even more competitive than had he played organized baseball. Depends on how much you work with him and his desire. Very possible that desire may decline though.

I think that every year of youth baseball there was some feeling my son and I had that playing organized baseball had a major opportunity cost. It took time away from he and I practicing together. If it weren't fun, I think we'd both have looked at it as somewhere between unnecessary and counter productive.

It blows that 8 y/o baseball is clouded by drama. Yet another case of letting comparisons, evaluations, winning, statistics, and all the crap that shouldn't apply to little kids getting in the way of what should --- having fun and getting better.

For about the last year or more....probably since Buehrle's great defensive play on opening day in '10 we have ended every practice with glove flips. Reminds me of playing hacky sack, but he digs it and rarely will he let me leave before we work on crazy plays.

[Standballdad]

This is a really good response. If you can work with your son, it is more than possible that he can maintain or be even more competitive than had he played organized baseball. Depends on how much you work with him and his desire. Very possible that desire may decline though.

I think that every year of youth baseball there was some feeling my son and I had that playing organized baseball had a major opportunity cost. It took time away from he and I practicing together. If it weren't fun, I think we'd both have looked at it as somewhere between unnecessary and counter productive.

It blows that 8 y/o baseball is clouded by drama. Yet another case of letting comparisons, evaluations, winning, statistics, and all the crap that shouldn't apply to little kids getting in the way of what should --- having fun and getting better.

For about the last year or more....probably since Buehrle's great defensive play on opening day in '10 we have ended every practice with glove flips. Reminds me of playing hacky sack, but he digs it and rarely will he let me leave before we work on crazy plays.

IMHO, kids need to also play in real games, just practicing and working on things will get old real quick. it sounds good but is not practical unless he had a strong desire to play. If that was the case you wouldn't be in this delima.

[Ursa Major]

I think TG and JohnLanza have pretty good reads on it - if he's athletic and you continue to work with him, he can come back to the game after a couple of years. If he's not or you let it slide, the chances are low that he'll come back as more than a marginal player. See how he feels in the fall. In the meantime, continue to play catch and do BP to keep his interest up, and take him to some ballgames - major league or minor league or even summer college league games, if they're the most convenient. Talk about strategy and what's going on. If he's meant to continue on with the game, he'll show interest. If not, let it go.. at least for awhile. Then, when fall comes around and the pain of his lousy spring team has faded, see how he feels.

But, if he's got developmental issues, you need to consult with the professional who's treating his situation. He or she has a lot closer appreciation of the situation and is, after all, a professional.

BTW, as my son gets older, what replaces ice cream after a fun practice??
Girls if you're lucky. Hopefully it won't be negative distractions.

The chances of girls not being a negative distraction is about the same as the Kardashian sisters deciding that they've had too much media exposure and entering an abbey. :clowning:

[leecemark]

--This should be your son's choice. Let him decide whether he'd like to take some time off or try it with a different team. He's played enough for him to make the right choice for himself. If he takes the time off and misses it a year just practicing with Dad won't set him back too much. I wouldn't worry about whether a longer layoff hurts or not because if he doesn't want to come back after skipping a season then baseball probably isn't in his thing anyway. Sometimes your kids just don't love the same things you do and you have to let them find something they do have a passion for.

[Kings over Queens]

We're talking about 8U rec ball, right?

First, in my opinion, he is going to be behind the others as far as skill (baseball fundementals) but moreover he's not going to have the same baseball acumen. By middle school the kids should have a basic skill set that they continue to work on, but at that age they really need to also start learning to play real baseball. If he's a very athletic kid and continues to practice at home and perhaps watch baseball on TV (scoring the game helps alot) he'll continue to develop but not at the same rate as a kid who's actually been playin the game.

I'm going to take a different view on this and suggest that you manage expectations. He's 8. He's playing rec ball. Focus on his accomplishments when he makes them and by all means try to find another team where playing baseball is fun for him. If it isn't fun, even when he doesn't succeed, then why bother?

Second, if he doesn't like playing baseball today because of the team and his struggles, what makes you think he's going to want to play in middle school, where it's only that much more challenging?

My advice would be to keep him involved in baseball but in a different environment and use this season as a learning experience. As in life, sometimes you get delt a crap hand. Play it out and then move forward.

[Kan-Man]

Thanks for all the feedback so far.

To address some of the questions posed - I do continue to work with him and that seems to be the time he enjoys the game the most. He has no fear hitting against me so he can be relaxed at the plate and it's certainly easier to make mechanical adjustments one-on-one.

I think in the past he was reluctant to try a new team because he wouldn't know the coach or the players but he seems to realize now that if he wants to continue in the league, it's for the best. There's a possibility a family friend will start managing in the Fall and I'm sure my son would be very happy about that. I don't want to mention it to my son until I know for sure this other guy will do it.

We do attend as many games as we can - both major and minor leagues - and we're planning on going to a Cape Cod League game during our vacation this summer. In essence, he still loves the game, it's more a question of does he still love playing it competitively (I think he'll always love backyard wiffle ball games).

One interesting development will be in Fall when my youngest son begins t-ball. That might motivate my oldest son to continue to play as well.

[Kan-Man]

One other thing, just to clarify - I'm not assuming he will want to play in middle school, I'm just trying to get a sense of how far behind the curve (pardon the pun) he'll be if he suddenly develops an interest again down the road.

I can see this happening because middle school will be the next opportunity he'd get to play on a team with his closest friends (because of age and geography restrictions, his buddies are spread out all over our rec league).

The interesting thing is in our area, lacrosse is king so the older kids get, the best athletes leave baseball behind. Our local high school is very strong athletically but always stinks at baseball.

[JCincy]

If this were my son, this would be the last season on his current team. If the kids behave improperly and are not properly corrected and instructed by the adults it's time to find another place to play. Bad company corrupts good character.

One interesting development will be in Fall when my youngest son begins t-ball. That might motivate my oldest son to continue to play as well.

Perhaps your older son could take some time off from his baseball playing to help with your younger son's team. He'd still be around the game and with his family. He still gets in a little practice and if the adults that are with put some reasonable responsibility on him you might seem him grow in other ways. This may be too much to ask. And I have not done this through baseball.

However, I have done this through Boy Scouts / Cub Scouts. A powerful dynamic comes into existence when an older boy is empowered to help younger boys.