Updated Baseball Fever Policy

Baseball Fever Policy

I. Purpose of this announcement:

This announcement describes the policies pertaining to the operation of Baseball Fever.

Baseball Fever is a moderated baseball message board which encourages and facilitates research and information exchange among fans of our national pastime. The intent of the Baseball Fever Policy is to ensure that Baseball Fever remains an extremely high quality, extremely low "noise" environment.

Baseball Fever is administrated by three principal administrators:
webmaster - Baseball Fever Owner
The Commissioner - Baseball Fever Administrator
Macker - Baseball Fever Administrator

And a group of forum specific super moderators. The role of the moderator is to keep Baseball Fever smoothly and to screen posts for compliance with our policy. The moderators are ALL volunteer positions, so please be patient and understanding of any delays you might experience in correspondence.

II. Comments about our policy:

Any suggestions on this policy may be made directly to the webmaster.

III. Acknowledgments:

This document was based on a similar policy used by SABR.

IV. Requirements for participation on Baseball Fever:

Participation on Baseball Fever is available to all baseball fans with a valid email address, as verified by the forum's automated system, which then in turn creates a single validated account. Multiple accounts by a single user are prohibited.

By registering, you agree to adhere to the policies outlined in this document and to conduct yourself accordingly. Abuse of the forum, by repeated failure to abide by these policies, will result in your access being blocked to the forum entirely.

V. Baseball Fever Netiquette:

Participants at Baseball Fever are required to adhere to these principles, which are outlined in this section.
a. All posts to Baseball Fever should be written in clear, concise English, with proper grammar and accurate spelling. The use of abbreviations should be kept to a minimum; when abbreviation is necessary, they should be either well-known (such as etc.), or explained on their first use in your post.

b. Conciseness is a key attribute of a good post.

c. Quote only the portion of a post to which you are responding.

d. Standard capitalization and punctuation make a large difference in the readability of a post. TYPING IN ALL CAPITALS is considered to be "shouting"; it is a good practice to limit use of all capitals to words which you wish to emphasize.

e. It is our policy NOT to transmit any defamatory or illegal materials.

f. Personal attacks of any type against Baseball Fever readers will not be tolerated. In these instances the post will be copied by a moderator and/or administrator, deleted from the site, then sent to the member who made the personal attack via a Private Message (PM) along with a single warning. Members who choose to not listen and continue personal attacks will be banned from the site.

g. It is important to remember that many contextual clues available in face-to-face discussion, such as tone of voice and facial expression, are lost in the electronic forum. As a poster, try to be alert for phrasing that might be misinterpreted by your audience to be offensive; as a reader, remember to give the benefit of the doubt and not to take umbrage too easily. There are many instances in which a particular choice of words or phrasing can come across as being a personal attack where none was intended.

h. The netiquette described above (a-g) often uses the term "posts", but applies equally to Private Messages.

VI. Baseball Fever User Signature Policy

A signature is a piece of text that some members may care to have inserted at the end of ALL of their posts, a little like the closing of a letter. You can set and / or change your signature by editing your profile in the UserCP. Since it is visible on ALL your posts, the following policy must be adhered to:

Signature Composition
Font size limit: No larger than size 2 (This policy is a size 2)
Style: Bold and italics are permissible
Character limit: No more than 500 total characters
Lines: No more than 4 lines
Colors: Most colors are permissible, but those which are hard to discern against the gray background (yellow, white, pale gray) should be avoided
Images/Graphics: Allowed, but nothing larger than 20k and Content rules must be followed

Signature Content
No advertising is permitted
Nothing political or religious
Nothing obscene, vulgar, defamatory or derogatory
Links to personal blogs/websites are permissible - with the webmaster's written consent
A Link to your Baseball Fever Blog does not require written consent and is recommended
Quotes must be attributed. Non-baseball quotes are permissible as long as they are not religious or political

Please adhere to these rules when you create your signature. Failure to do so will result in a request to comply by a moderator. If you do not comply within a reasonable amount of time, the signature will be removed and / or edited by an Administrator. Baseball Fever reserves the right to edit and / or remove any or all of your signature line at any time without contacting the account holder.

VII. Appropriate and inappropriate topics for Baseball Fever:

Most concisely, the test for whether a post is appropriate for Baseball Fever is: "Does this message discuss our national pastime in an interesting manner?" This post can be direct or indirect: posing a question, asking for assistance, providing raw data or citations, or discussing and constructively critiquing existing posts. In general, a broad interpretation of "baseball related" is used.

Baseball Fever is not a promotional environment. Advertising of products, web sites, etc., whether for profit or not-for-profit, is not permitted. At the webmaster's discretion, brief one-time announcements for products or services of legitimate baseball interest and usefulness may be allowed. If advertising is posted to the site it will be copied by a moderator and/or administrator, deleted from the site, then sent to the member who made the post via a Private Message (PM) along with a single warning. Members who choose to not listen and continue advertising will be banned from the site. If the advertising is spam-related, pornography-based, or a "visit-my-site" type post / private message, no warning at all will be provided, and the member will be banned immediately without a warning.

It is considered appropriate to post a URL to a page which specifically and directly answers a question posted on the list (for example, it would be permissible to post a link to a page containing home-road splits, even on a site which has advertising or other commercial content; however, it would not be appropriate to post the URL of the main page of the site). The site reserves the right to limit the frequency of such announcements by any individual or group.

In keeping with our test for a proper topic, posting to Baseball Fever should be treated as if you truly do care. This includes posting information that is, to the best of your knowledge, complete and accurate at the time you post. Any errors or ambiguities you catch later should be acknowledged and corrected in the thread, since Baseball Fever is sometimes considered to be a valuable reference for research information.

VIII. Role of the moderator:

When a post is submitted to Baseball Fever, it is forwarded by the server automatically and seen immediately. The moderator may:
a. Leave the thread exactly like it was submitted. This is the case 95% of the time.

b. Immediately delete the thread as inappropriate for Baseball Fever. Examples include advertising, personal attacks, or spam. This is the case 1% of the time.

c. Move the thread. If a member makes a post about the Marlins in the Yankees forum it will be moved to the appropriate forum. This is the case 3% of the time.

d. Edit the message due to an inappropriate item. This is the case 1% of the time. There have been new users who will make a wonderful post, then add to their signature line (where your name / handle appears) a tagline that is a pure advertisement. This tagline will be removed, a note will be left in the message so he/she is aware of the edit, and personal contact will be made to the poster telling them what has been edited and what actions need to be taken to prevent further edits.

The moderators perform no checks on posts to verify factual or logical accuracy. While he/she may point out gross errors in factual data in replies to the thread, the moderator does not act as an "accuracy" editor. Also moderation is not a vehicle for censorship of individuals and/or opinions, and the moderator's decisions should not be taken personally.

IX. Legal aspects of participation in Baseball Fever:

By submitting a post to Baseball Fever, you grant Baseball Fever permission to distribute your message to the forum. Other rights pertaining to the post remain with the ORIGINAL author, and you may not redistribute or retransmit any posts by any others, in whole or in part, without the express consent of the original author.

The messages appearing on Baseball Fever contain the opinions and views of their respective authors and are not necessarily those of Baseball Fever, or of the Baseball Almanac family of sites.


Sean Holtz, Webmaster of Baseball Almanac & Baseball Fever |
"Baseball Almanac: Sharing Baseball. Sharing History."
See more
See less

Who's on first

  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

  • Who's on first

    i had to post this, the best standup about baseball ever.

    Abbott: Well Costello, I'm going to New York with you. You know Bookie Harris, the Yankee's manager, gave me a job as coach for as long as you're on the team.

    Costello: Look Abbott, if you're the coach, you must know all the players.

    Abbott: I certainly do.

    Costello: Well you know I've never met the guys. So you'll have to tell me their names, and then I'll know who's playing on the team.

    Abbott: Oh, I'll tell you their names, but you know it seems to me they give these ball players now-a-days very peculiar names.

    Costello: You mean funny names?

    Abbott: Strange names, pet Dizzy Dean...

    Costello: His brother Daffy.

    Abbott: Daffy Dean...

    Costello: And their French cousin.

    Abbott: French?

    Costello: Goofè.

    Abbott: Goofè Dean. Well, let's see, we have on the bags, Who's on first, What's on second, I Don't Know is on third...

    Costello: That's what I want to find out.

    Abbott: I say Who's on first, What's on second, I Don't Know's on third.

    Costello: Are you the manager?

    Abbott: Yes.

    Costello: You gonna be the coach too?

    Abbott: Yes.

    Costello: And you don't know the fellows' names?

    Abbott: Well I should.

    Costello: Well then who's on first?

    Abbott: Yes.

    Costello: I mean the fellow's name.

    Abbott: Who.

    Costello: The guy on first.

    Abbott: Who.

    Costello: The first baseman.

    Abbott: Who.

    Costello: The guy playing...

    Abbott: Who is on first!

    Costello: I'm asking YOU who's on first.

    Abbott: That's the man's name.

    Costello: That's who's name?

    Abbott: Yes.

    Costello: Well go ahead and tell me.

    Abbott: That's it.

    Costello: That's who?

    Abbott: Yes.


    Costello: Look, you gotta first baseman?

    Abbott: Certainly.

    Costello: Who's playing first?

    Abbott: That's right.

    Costello: When you pay off the first baseman every month, who gets the money?

    Abbott: Every dollar of it.

    Costello: All I'm trying to find out is the fellow's name on first base.

    Abbott: Who.

    Costello: The guy that gets...

    Abbott: That's it.

    Costello: Who gets the money...

    Abbott: He does, every dollar. Sometimes his wife comes down and collects it.

    Costello: Whose wife?

    Abbott: Yes.


    Abbott: What's wrong with that?

    Costello: Look, all I wanna know is when you sign up the first baseman, how does he sign his name?

    Abbott: Who.

    Costello: The guy.

    Abbott: Who.

    Costello: How does he sign...

    Abbott: That's how he signs it.

    Costello: Who?

    Abbott: Yes.


    Costello: All I'm trying to find out is what's the guy's name on first base.

    Abbott: No. What is on second base.

    Costello: I'm not asking you who's on second.

    Abbott: Who's on first.

    Costello: One base at a time!

    Abbott: Well, don't change the players around.

    Costello: I'm not changing nobody!

    Abbott: Take it easy, buddy.

    Costello: I'm only asking you, who's the guy on first base?

    Abbott: That's right.

    Costello: Ok.

    Abbott: All right.


    Costello: What's the guy's name on first base?

    Abbott: No. What is on second.

    Costello: I'm not asking you who's on second.

    Abbott: Who's on first.

    Costello: I don't know.

    Abbott: He's on third, we're not talking about him.

    Costello: Now how did I get on third base?

    Abbott: Why you mentioned his name.

    Costello: If I mentioned the third baseman's name, who did I say is playing third?

    Abbott: No. Who's playing first.

    Costello: What's on first?

    Abbott: What's on second.

    Costello: I don't know.

    Abbott: He's on third.

    Costello: There I go, back on third again!


    Costello: Would you just stay on third base and don't go off it.

    Abbott: All right, what do you want to know?

    Costello: Now who's playing third base?

    Abbott: Why do you insist on putting Who on third base?

    Costello: What am I putting on third.

    Abbott: No. What is on second.

    Costello: You don't want who on second?

    Abbott: Who is on first.

    Costello: I don't know.

    Abbott & Costello Together:Third base!


    Costello: Look, you gotta outfield?

    Abbott: Sure.

    Costello: The left fielder's name?

    Abbott: Why.

    Costello: I just thought I'd ask you.

    Abbott: Well, I just thought I'd tell ya.

    Costello: Then tell me who's playing left field.

    Abbott: Who's playing first.

    Costello: I'm not... stay out of the infield! I want to know what's the guy's name in left field?

    Abbott: No, What is on second.

    Costello: I'm not asking you who's on second.

    Abbott: Who's on first!

    Costello: I don't know.

    Abbott & Costello Together: Third base!


    Costello: The left fielder's name?

    Abbott: Why.

    Costello: Because!

    Abbott: Oh, he's centerfield.


    Costello: Look, You gotta pitcher on this team?

    Abbott: Sure.

    Costello: The pitcher's name?

    Abbott: Tomorrow.

    Costello: You don't want to tell me today?

    Abbott: I'm telling you now.

    Costello: Then go ahead.

    Abbott: Tomorrow!

    Costello: What time?

    Abbott: What time what?

    Costello: What time tomorrow are you gonna tell me who's pitching?

    Abbott: Now listen. Who is not pitching.

    Costello: I'll break your arm, you say who's on first! I want to know what's the pitcher's name?

    Abbott: What's on second.

    Costello: I don't know.

    Abbott & Costello Together: Third base!


    Costello: Gotta a catcher?

    Abbott: Certainly.

    Costello: The catcher's name?

    Abbott: Today.

    Costello: Today, and tomorrow's pitching.

    Abbott: Now you've got it.

    Costello: All we got is a couple of days on the team.


    Costello: You know I'm a catcher too.

    Abbott: So they tell me.

    Costello: I get behind the plate to do some fancy catching, Tomorrow's pitching on my team and a heavy hitter gets up. Now the heavy hitter bunts the ball. When he bunts the ball, me, being a good catcher, I'm gonna throw the guy out at first base. So I pick up the ball and throw it to who?

    Abbott: Now that's the first thing you've said right.

    Costello: I don't even know what I'm talking about!


    Abbott: That's all you have to do.

    Costello: Is to throw the ball to first base.

    Abbott: Yes!

    Costello: Now who's got it?

    Abbott: Naturally.


    Costello: Look, if I throw the ball to first base, somebody's gotta get it. Now who has it?

    Abbott: Naturally.

    Costello: Who?

    Abbott: Naturally.

    Costello: Naturally?

    Abbott: Naturally.

    Costello: So I pick up the ball and I throw it to Naturally.

    Abbott: No you don't, you throw the ball to Who.

    Costello: Naturally.

    Abbott: That's different.

    Costello: That's what I said.

    Abbott: You're not saying it...

    Costello: I throw the ball to Naturally.

    Abbott: You throw it to Who.

    Costello: Naturally.

    Abbott: That's it.

    Costello: That's what I said!

    Abbott: You ask me.

    Costello: I throw the ball to who?

    Abbott: Naturally.

    Costello: Now you ask me.

    Abbott: You throw the ball to Who?

    Costello: Naturally.

    Abbott: That's it.

    Costello: Same as you! Same as YOU! I throw the ball to who. Whoever it is drops the ball and the guy runs to second. Who picks up the ball and throws it to What. What throws it to I Don't Know. I Don't Know throws it back to Tomorrow, Triple play. Another guy gets up and hits a long fly ball to Because. Why? I don't know! He's on third and I don't give a darn!

    Abbott: What?

    Costello: I said I don't give a darn!

    Abbott: Oh, that's our shortstop.
    The one constant through all the years, Ray, has been baseball. America is ruled by it like an army of steamrollers. It has been erased like a blackboard, rebuilt and erased again. But baseball has marked the time. This field, this game, is a part of our past, Ray. It reminds us of all that once was good, and that could be again. Oh, people will come, Ray. People will most definitely come. -James Earl Jones as Terence Mann in Field Of Dreams

    Sailors Creed

    11 General Orders of Sentry

  • #2

    I've heard that and read it a thousand times, and man, it never loses a thing! Thanks for posting this, ADunn!
    Be civil to all, sociable to many, familiar with few, friend to one, enemy to none. -Benjamin Franklin, statesman, author, and inventor (1706-1790)
    Remember Yellowdog


    • #3
      Who's on First?


      • #4
        Here's a transcript of the Kids in the Hall sketch pardoying the famous routine. Kevin and Dave play the not so well renowned team of McGillicuty and Greene:

        Kevin: "Say Mr. Greene, I hear you manage a baseball team."
        Dave: "No. I'm a vaudevillian."
        K: "No, I think you manage a baseball team!"
        D: "Yes of course, yes I do manage a baseball team."
        K: "I understand some of the players have rather strange nicknames, rather
        silly pet names the players have nowadays."
        D: "Yes, it's true. In fact, I have the team roster with me right here.
        For instance, Hu is on first base, Watt is on second, and Iduno is on third
        K: "Who's on first base?"
        D: "Yes."
        K: "Who?"
        D: "Yes, Hu is the man on first base."
        K: "Why are you asking me; I'm asking you! What's the name of the guy on
        first base?"
        D: "No no, Watt is on - oh, I see what your problem is! Look, you're
        confused by their names, because they all sound like questions."
        K: "I dunno (whispers) third base."
        D: "Well, I'll explain it to you. See, on first base is Hu, Samuel Hu, and
        you're probably not familiar with that name because his grandfather was
        Chinese. And on second base is Hector Watt, W-A-T-T Watt, and that's not so
        unusual because James Watt invented the steam engine. And on third base is
        Phil Iduno, I-D-U-N-O, and if you do say that fast, it does sound like the
        phrase 'Gee, I dunno,' but it's actually Iduno, Phil Iduno."
        K: "That's it. You're hopeless, you're pathetic, you're the worst straight
        man I ever worked with. I quit. I should have never saved you from those
        D: "What are you talking about? I auditioned for this job."
        K: "Bastaaaard!"


        • #5
          Who's On Force?

          I'm sorry. I simply can't resist. There's a video version of part of this routine and, well, the voices are Abbot & Costello but the faces are... would you believe, Yoda and JarJar? Check it out here for yourselves; it's worth the 8MB download if you've got broadband. And, I think George Lucas will forgive me, as he's promoting all things Star Wars this week.
          Last edited by Ursa Major; 05-10-2005, 11:43 PM.
          sigpicIt's not whether you fall -- everyone does -- but how you come out of the fall that counts.


          • #6
            Originally posted by The Commissioner

            Kevin: "Say Mr. Greene, I hear you manage a baseball team."
            Dave: "No. I'm a vaudevillian."
            K: "No, I think you manage a baseball team!"
            D: "Yes of course, yes I do manage a baseball team."

            Oh, man.

            When they were bad they really SOTJ, but every now and then ...


            • #7
              I always love this one, too; and it's been parodied so many times. Remember the Sporting News column w/the battle Ready and the pitcher Dunne? I think it was 1987. And I've done a few things like this - like a parody of "Waiting for Godot" for school (we had to do a project on one thing in AP English each semester) which became a one-person play titled "Abbott and Costello Wait for DontKnow." (And of course, Pozo becomes Bozo, and other silly stuff ensues.) But, the original is still the best.

              BTW, we never hear a rightfielder's name - I gues Costello's supposed to be playing RF, though, from what I gather.

              Anyone else do any Abbott and Costello type stuff? Even a couple decades later, they're still my favorite comediaans, I think. Actually, I had an actual incident /wa friend in college who walked in just as I was finishing talkign with our mutual friend Humayun, who we called "Hoom..." I'm sure you get the picture.
              Last edited by DTF955; 05-13-2005, 11:23 AM.
              If Baseball Integrated Early - baseball integrated from the beginning - and "Brotherhood and baseball," the U.S. history companion, at - IBIE updated for 2011.

              "Full House Chronology" at yahoo group fullhousefreaks & fullhouse4life with help of many fans, thanks for the input


              • #8
                There was one a long time ago with rock bands, I think the premise was somebody putting a festival together, featuring the Who, Yes, It's a Beautiful Day ... you get the idea ...


                • #9
                  You're very close ont the rock festival parody. It was Who, Guess Who, and Yes, and almost as clever as the original. Nout sure which comedy group did it, but it was featured on the 1977 movie Cracking Up. Wish I could find an audio clip.
                  sigpicIt's not whether you fall -- everyone does -- but how you come out of the fall that counts.


                  • #10
                    Oh Man!!!11

                    Originally posted by Ursa Major
                    I'm sorry. I simply can't resist. There's a video version of part of this routine and, well, the voices are Abbot & Costello but the faces are... would you believe, Yoda and JarJar? Check it out here for yourselves; it's worth the 8MB download if you've got broadband. And, I think George Lucas will forgive me, as he's promoting all things Star Wars this week.
                    That was absolutely worth the download. OMG - too funny! Just wish it was longer!
                    Maybe this *could* be the year??


                    • #11
                      Originally posted by Ursa Major
                      Guess Who,

                      That's it!

                      If only one of the players in the A&C routine had been named Guess ...


                      • #12
                        Computer Salesman

                        Nothing to do with baseball but this is a similar routine based on the "whose on first" sketch.

                        ABBOTT: Ultimate SuperDuper Computer Store. Can I help you?

                        COSTELLO: Thanks. I'm setting up a home office in the den, and I'm thinking
                        of buying a computer.

                        ABBOTT: Mac?

                        COSTELLO: No, the name is Lou.

                        ABBOTT: Your computer?

                        COSTELLO: I don't own a computer. I want to buy one.

                        ABBOTT: Mac?

                        COSTELLO: I told you, my name is Lou.

                        ABBOTT: What about Windows?

                        COSTELLO: Why? Does it get stuffy?

                        ABBOTT: Do you want a computer with Windows?

                        COSTELLO: I don't know. What do I see when I look out the windows?

                        ABBOTT: Wallpaper.

                        COSTELLO: Never mind the windows. I need a computer and software.

                        ABBOTT: Software that runs on Windows?

                        COSTELLO: No, on the computer! I need something I can use to write
                        proposals, track expenses. You know, run a business. What have you got?

                        ABBOTT: Office.

                        COSTELLO: Yeah, for my office. Can you recommend anything?

                        ABBOTT: I just did.

                        COSTELLO: You just did what?

                        ABBOTT: Recommended something.

                        COSTELLO: You recommended something?

                        ABBOTT: Yes.

                        COSTELLO: For my office?

                        ABBOTT: Yes.

                        COSTELLO: Okay, what did you recommend for my office?

                        ABBOTT: Office.

                        COSTELLO: Yes, for my office.

                        ABBOTT: Office for Windows.

                        COSTELLO: I already have an office and it already has windows! Let's say I'm
                        sitting at my computer, and I want to type a proposal. What do I need?

                        ABBOTT: Word.

                        COSTELLO: If I'm writing a proposal, I'm going to need lots of words. But
                        what program do I load?

                        ABBOTT: Word.

                        COSTELLO: What word?

                        ABBOTT: The Word in Office.

                        COSTELLO: The only word in office is office.

                        ABBOTT: The Word in Office for Windows.

                        COSTELLO: Which word in "office for windows?"

                        ABBOTT: The Word you get when you click the blue W.

                        COSTELLO: I'm going to click your big W if you don't give me a straight
                        answer. Let's forget about words for a minute. What do I need if I want to
                        watch a movie over the Internet?

                        ABBOTT: RealOne.

                        COSTELLO: Maybe a real movie, maybe a cartoon. What I watch is none of your
                        business. But what do I need to watch it?

                        ABBOTT: RealOne.

                        COSTELLO: If it's a long movie I'll also want to watch reels two, three and
                        four. Can I watch reel four?

                        ABBOTT: Of course.

                        COSTELLO: Great! With what?

                        ABBOTT: RealOne.

                        COSTELLO: Okay, so I'm sitting at my computer and I want to watch a movie.
                        What do I do?

                        ABBOTT: You click the blue 1.

                        COSTELLO: I click the blue one what?

                        ABBOTT: The blue 1.

                        COSTELLO: Is that different from the blue W?

                        ABBOTT: Of course it is. The blue 1 is RealOne. The blue W is Word.

                        COSTELLO: What word?

                        ABBOTT: The Word in Office for Windows.

                        COSTELLO: But there's three words in "office for windows!"

                        ABBOTT: No, just one. But it's the most popular Word in the world.

                        COSTELLO: It is?

                        ABBOTT: Yes, although to be fair there aren't many other Words left. It
                        pretty much wiped out all the other Words.

                        COSTELLO: And that word is the real one?

                        ABBOTT: No. RealOne has nothing to do with Word. RealOne isn't even part of

                        COSTELLO: Never mind; I don't want to get started with that again. But I
                        also need something for bank accounts, loans, and so on. What do you have to
                        help me track my money?

                        ABBOTT: Money.

                        COSTELLO: That's right. What do you have?

                        ABBOTT: Money.

                        COSTELLO: I need money to track my money?

                        ABBOTT: No, not really. It comes bundled with your computer.

                        COSTELLO: What comes bundled with my computer?

                        ABBOTT: Money.

                        COSTELLO: Money comes bundled with my computer?

                        ABBOTT: Exactly. No extra charge.

                        COSTELLO: I get a bundle of money with my computer at no extra charge? How
                        much money do I get?

                        ABBOTT: Just one copy.

                        COSTELLO: I get a copy of money. Isn't that illegal?> ABBOTT: No. We have a
                        license from Microsoft to make copies of Money.

                        COSTELLO: Microsoft can license you to make money?

                        ABBOTT: Why not? They own it.

                        COSTELLO: Well, it's great that I'm going to get free money, but I'll still
                        need to track it. Do you have anything for managing your money?

                        ABBOTT: Managing Your Money? That program disappeared years ago.

                        COSTELLO: Well, what do you sell in its place?

                        ABBOTT: Money.

                        COSTELLO: You sell money?

                        ABBOTT: Of course. But if you buy a computer from us, you get it for free.

                        COSTELLO: That's all very wonderful, but I'll be running a business. Do you
                        have any software for, you know, accounting?

                        ABBOTT: Simply Accounting.

                        COSTELLO: Probably, but it might get a little complicated.

                        ABBOTT: If you don't want Simply Accounting, you might try M.Y.O.B.

                        COSTELLO: M.Y.O.B.? What does that stand for?

                        ABBOTT: Mind Your Own Business.

                        COSTELLO: I beg your pardon?

                        ABBOTT: No, that would be I.B.Y.P. I said M.Y.O.B.

                        COSTELLO: Look, I just need to do some accounting for my home business. You
                        know--accounting? You do it with money.

                        ABBOTT: Of course you can do accounting with Money. But you may need more.

                        COSTELLO: More money?

                        ABBOTT: More than Money. Money can't do everything.

                        COSTELLO: I don't need a sermon! Okay, let's forget about money for the
                        moment. I'm worried that my computer might...what's the word? Crash. And if
                        my computer crashes, what can I use to restore my data?

                        ABBOTT: GoBack.

                        COSTELLO: Okay. I'm worried about my computer smashing and I need something
                        to restore my data. What do you recommend?

                        ABBOTT: GoBack.

                        COSTELLO: How many times do I have to repeat myself?

                        ABBOTT: I've never asked you to repeat yourself. All I said was GoBack.

                        COSTELLO: How can I go back if I haven't even been anywhere? Okay, I'll go
                        back. What do I need to write a proposal?

                        ABBOTT: Word.

                        COSTELLO: But I'll need lots of words to write a proposal.

                        ABBOTT: No, you only need one Word-the Word in Office for Windows.

                        COSTELLO: But there's three words in...Oh, never mind.

                        ABBOTT: Hello? Hello? Customers! Why do they always hang up on me? Oh, well.
                        Ultimate SuperDuper Computer Store. Can I help you?
                        "I know One Thing, That I Know Nothing" - - - Socrates


                        • #13
                          Just as sort of a fun fact, my mother-in-law happened to be good friends with Lou Costello's daughter, and she had the rare priviledge of seeing Lou and Bud perform "Who's on First" live at a small party more than once. She says it was easily the funniest thing she's ever seen performed and it was all the better because it was live.

                          Imagine being there for that!!

                          “Well, I like to say I’m completely focused, right? I mean, the game’s on the line. It’s not like I’m thinking about what does barbecue Pop Chips and Cholula taste like. Because I already know that answer — it tastes friggin’ awesome!"--Brian Wilson


                          • #14
                            That would have been awesome. Here is a little taste of what that might have been like:

                            Video of: Abbot & Costello - "Who's on First?"
                            Last edited by Richmond Hill Phoenix; 09-17-2006, 03:38 PM.


                            • #15
                              Here is a version that is dubbed over clips from the Mac vs. PC adds. Pretty good as well.

                              YouTube Mac vs/ PC Who's on First?


                              Ad Widget