Franklin's 2006 Season

[donzblock]

March: Franklin refuses to provide a urine sample and is suspended for 30 days. "I'm bladder shy!" he tells reporters.

April: Franklin's sample passes, and he is allowed to rejoin the team. Three days later, Wyeth Laboratories announces that the DNA in Franklin's urine sample is canine. Franklin reports that his Dalmatian has disappeared. Major League Baseball suspends Franklin for 60 days. An overjoyed Franklin calls a press conference to announce that his Dalmatian has turned up in his parents' home in North Dakota.

June: Franklin submits a urine sample that passes. Three days later, Wyeth Laboratories confirms that the DNA in the specimen is human and that the human is pregnant. Franklin calls a news conference and insists that he has been on the pill for three years. Major League Baseball suspends Franklin for the rest of the season.

October: Franklin submits a specimen. Three days later, Wyeth Laboratories announces that the specimen is clean and that the DNA in the specimen matches Ryan Franklin's. One day later, the body of Bryan Franklin, Ryan's identical twin, is found floating in the Schuylkill. Two weeks later Ryan Franklin is arrested.

November: CourtTV announces that the trial of Ryan Franklin has been scheduled for March, 2007.

[Edgartohof]

March: Franklin refuses to provide a urine sample and is suspended for 30 days. "I'm bladder shy!" he tells reporters.

April: Franklin's sample passes, and he is allowed to rejoin the team. Three days later, Wyeth Laboratories announces that the DNA in Franklin's urine sample is canine. Franklin reports that his Dalmatian has disappeared. Major League Baseball suspends Franklin for 60 days. An overjoyed Franklin calls a press conference to announce that his Dalmatian has turned up in his parents' home in North Dakota.

June: Franklin submits a urine sample that passes. Three days later, Wyeth Laboratories confirms that the DNA in the specimen is human and that the human is pregnant. Franklin calls a news conference and insists that he has been on the pill for three years. Major League Baseball suspends Franklin for the rest of the season.

October: Franklin submits a specimen. Three days later, Wyeth Laboratories announces that the specimen is clean and that the DNA in the specimen matches Ryan Franklin's. One day later, the body of Bryan Franklin, Ryan's identical twin, is found floating in the Schuylkill. Two weeks later Ryan Franklin is arrested.

November: CourtTV announces that the trial of Ryan Franklin has been scheduled for March, 2007.

That is just beyond hillarious!!!!!

[ed hardiman]

March: Franklin refuses to provide a urine sample and is suspended for 30 days. "I'm bladder shy!" he tells reporters.
April: Franklin's sample passes, and he is allowed to rejoin the team. Three days later, Wyeth Laboratories announces that the DNA in Franklin's urine sample is canine. Franklin reports that his Dalmatian has disappeared. Major League Baseball suspends Franklin for 60 days. An overjoyed Franklin calls a press conference to announce that his Dalmatian has turned up in his parents' home in North Dakota.
June: Franklin submits a urine sample that passes. Three days later, Wyeth Laboratories confirms that the DNA in the specimen is human and that the human is pregnant. Franklin calls a news conference and insists that he has been on the pill for three years. Major League Baseball suspends Franklin for the rest of the season.
October: Franklin submits a specimen. Three days later, Wyeth Laboratories announces that the specimen is clean and that the DNA in the specimen matches Ryan Franklin's. One day later, the body of Bryan Franklin, Ryan's identical twin, is found floating in the Schuylkill. Two weeks later Ryan Franklin is arrested.
November: CourtTV announces that the trial of Ryan Franklin has been scheduled for March, 2007.

Good lord you're going to put the psychic friends network out of business, brilliant.

[Androctus]

April, 2007: Franklin is aquitted after tests reveal he is actually Paul Abbott, and therefore could not have murdered his cousin, because after all, Bryan was not his cousin. Tests also reveal steroids, methamphedamines, alcohol, tranquilizers, and trace amounts of urine. The Phils ink him to an 11 year deal. When they said they wanted just 5 more wins, they werent joking.