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Originally Posted by Steve Jeltz: What does sound right is an Ed Wade constructed bullpen being torched for 11 runs in 2 innings.
He was the very model of a Phillies' general manager.
The franchise stank because of him but fans could not disparage her.
He seemed to be a paragon of matters intellectual.
His acquisitions proved that he was wholly ineffectual.
He signed up Bob Hernandez--gas was cheap--opponents killed the ball.
He swapped away Estrada and got stuck with injured Lieberthal.
He traded for Polanco to keep Utley on the bench of Hell,
Then traded poor Polanco to make room for loser David Bell.
Padilla's main opponent wasn't Barry Bonds--'twas alcohol.
His visit to old Cooperstown would change the air and foul the Hall.
Pat Burrell was a deficit unless he played in friendly Shea,
And Rollins would not sacrifice: he much preferred to swing away.
Paul Abbott was a starter with a 7.9 ERA,
The reason why the Phillies on September 1st were DOA.
Wade slotted him for Randy Wolf, whose specialty was injury.
His every move would highlight that the Phils' GM should not be he.
Abreu, Eddie's only jewel, was like a rabbit in a hutch,
A frightened, power-hitting Phil who could not thump when in the clutch.
Abreu, on a deep fly ball, would always manage to contrive
A nonchalant and lazy lope and never elongate or dive.
Jim Thome was acquired to sell tickets and elicit cheers.
His presence kept an MVP down on the farm for three more years.
He had a lot of muscle pulls; he suffered from a painful gout.
For every homer that he hit he swung 9 times and thrice struck out.
The guy who plays in centerfield, the centerpiece of any team,
Should be a Mantle or a Mays, a Supermanic GM's dream.
But after trading deadlines passed, a feathered peep from Wade was heard:
"He's hitting all of .203! They guy we need is Marlon Byrd."
Brett Meyers, a fat pitcher, inconsistent his entire life,
Could only be relied upon to stuff his face and beat his wife.
When paired with Kevin Millwood--what a perfect superfluity!
No duo could have eaten more or been so super suet-y.
Acquiring talent is a skill, but Schilling had a fatal glitch.
His personality meant more than whether he could play or pitch.
When Curt became available, the Phils' GM said, "I will pass.
It matters less that he's a horse but more that he's a horse's ass."
How much did Eddie comprehend? You had to be a Sigmund Freud
To understand the master plan the Phillies had for Gavin Floyd.
With little Eddie at the helm, tomorrow promised only grief.
His starting pitching was an if; he never could provide relief.
His eight years of futility, a chronicle of loss and shame,
No pennants won, no playoffs made: he never said, "I am to blame."
He loathed the fans; he loved Bill Giles; he always would excuses give.
His goal was not to win but just to play and be competitive.
A past like that should doom a man to joblessness and poverty.
In fact, his golden parachute left Eddie stranded in a tree.
But Murphy's Law declares that if there is a chance for greater woes,
Then men like little Eddie Wade will end up working for the 'Stros.
Don Z. Block (With Apologies to Gilbert and Sullivan)
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